Meme Results (Part 2)
19 Jul 2012 08:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thisbluespiritThe next round of daft snippets from the housework meme. As last time, only the tiniest bit of actual shippiness in the Allo Allo one.
5. Jonathan Creek - Jonathan Creek/Maddy Magellan: hanging out (or folding up) the laundry (387 words) From![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
justice_turtle
“There’s a dead body lying under your clothes line?”
Maddy nodded, and took another mouthful of tea, narrowly missing spilling it over the phone. “Yeah. Can you believe it?”
“I’m having difficulty.”
“Look, come on over. Do your thing. Explain it to me.”
“You explain it.”
“Well,” said Maddy, “I can only assume that she climbed into the washing machine while I wasn’t looking, got simultaneously drowned and strangled during the main cycle, then I hauled her out with the sheets without noticing until she fell out of the washing basket onto the patio. How do I know? Jonathan, I mean it.”
“So, you’ve phoned the police, have you?”
“Not yet. I thought of you first.” She gave the phone a hopeful look. “I thought they might arrest me.”
“Well, they definitely will if you don’t report it.”
“I mean, what can you do?”
“Not believe a word of it,” he said, his voice a small, irritated sound on the other end of the line. “You stole the idea off Miss Marple, anyway. What do you really want? Although I know I’m going to regret asking –”
Maddy only grinned. “Oh, all right. You got me. But I thought it’d only take you five seconds to come out with that.”
“Maddy. What do you want?”
She took a bite of her toast, rendering her answer slightly indistinct: “Tumble drier’s broken again.”
“They have people to fix these things. Phone your electrician, or your plumber, or whoever.”
Maddy glared at the receiver. “You know what? It’s the strangest thing. I’m getting a premonition of another murder. I can’t quite see… no, wait. It’s a man… they’ve found him lying dead in a windmill. Blood everywhere. Some lonely middle-aged git of a magician’s assistant. They’re saying it’s an accident, one of his tricks gone hideously wrong, but I don’t know about that. What do you think?”
“… middle-aged?” said Jonathan.
“I’ll buy you a coffee,” Maddy added. “And there’s something else. Look, come on. Don’t tell me you’ve got something better to do.”
“I have, and I’m not –”
Maddy cut him off before he could finish and looked at her watch, calculating that she should have plenty of time to finish her toast, get washed and dressed, and maybe even finish off that article before he got here.
***
8. DW - Brig/Liz – ironing (310 words) Frompersiflage_1
“If you dare suggest I should iron your shirt, I shall resign!”
The Brigadier paused. “Miss Shaw, I merely asked you if you’d seen an iron anywhere. I wouldn’t dream of wasting your valuable time.”
“And why,” said Liz, beginning to be amused again now, “did you imagine a scientific laboratory would come equipped with an iron?”
The Brigadier merely smiled at her. “I’ve found it’s a good rule to assume the Doctor might have anything in here.”
“An iron? For straightening out awkward wires, or –?”
“Miss Shaw,” he said repressively, but she detected an answering spark of humour in his eyes. “The fellow must iron his shirts sometime.”
Liz smiled. “Well, if he has, I’ve no idea where it is. I’ve never seen one in here – and in any case, you know what he’s like. He’d probably have adapted it for improved efficiency, and you never know what that might do to your best shirt.”
“Good Lord,” said the Brigadier, looking to the ceiling. “Very true. Well, this is awkward. And I have the minister and the General about to turn up any minute. If someone can find me one, I should be able to sort it out before the function this evening, but –”
“Hand it over,” said Liz, holding out her hand. “Oh, don’t worry, I’m still not going to do your ironing, Brigadier – but I’m sure I can find someone who can.”
The Brigadier hesitated.
“You don’t want to be late for tea with the minister,” she reminded him, careful to remain straight-faced.
He passed the hanger and shirt over. “Frankly, Miss Shaw, I’d prefer an alien invasion, but I suppose duty calls –”
“Quite,” said Liz, and watched him go. Then she double-checked everything the Doctor had been working on was shut down and safely switched off – and went in search of Sergeant Benton.
***
9. Allo Allo - Helga Geerhart/Otto Flick: clearing the spiders out of the garage. (246 words) Frombrunhilde_1013
“But, Herr Flick the intention was not to rid your garage of the spiders. That was an unfortunate side-effect of blowing up the wall and the resulting flood from the burst pipe.”
“A very unfortunate side-effect,” said Herr Flick, tight-lipped. “Someone will regret it.”
“But is it not better this way?”
Herr Flick swung around to face her. “No, it is not! Do you not realise those were specially trained Gestapo spiders? It is not easy to keep my secret headquarters at the correct level of sinister cobwebs. Appearances are important.”
“I confess, Herr Flick, I had never given the matter any serious thought. Once again, your attention to detail gives me a slight thrill.”
“Only a slight thrill? Why is this, Helga?”
“The thrill is somewhat lessened by my intense dislike of spiders.”
“I see. However,” said Herr Flick, “one must also enquire… what was the intention in blowing up the wall of my garage, killing off my trained Gestapo web-spinners, and wrecking yet another staff car?”
“I understand that it was an accident with a Christmas pudding.”
“A Christmas pudding? It is not even December. This seems highly unlikely to me.”
“An exploding Christmas pudding. However, the General believes that he has the culprits locked up at the Chateau.”
“Excellent. Then I will shortly have some instructions for you, Helga. First, however –”
“Yes, Herr Flick?”
“You may kiss me.”
“Thank you, Herr Flick.” Then Helga gave a small, private smile, and obliged.
***
Allo Allo is a terrible thing to write. I forgot I threw these two in. If you do the accents, it looks awful. If you don't, it's just kind of wrong as well.
17. Blake's 7 - Tarrant/Dayna: cleaning the kitchen or galley (89 words) Fromvilakins
Tarrant paused for a long moment and then wiped gunge off his face, before turning to look at Dayna, who was lying beside him on the floor of the Liberator’s galley. She was equally besplattered, and wrinkling her nose at the smell.
“I think,” said Tarrant, trying not to cough too hard at the billows of strangely coloured smoke “that we now know the best way to clear out the blocked waste disposal unit is not to chuck an explosive down it.”
“Oh, Tarrant. You’re always such a spoilsport.”
***
5. Jonathan Creek - Jonathan Creek/Maddy Magellan: hanging out (or folding up) the laundry (387 words) From
justice_turtle“There’s a dead body lying under your clothes line?”
Maddy nodded, and took another mouthful of tea, narrowly missing spilling it over the phone. “Yeah. Can you believe it?”
“I’m having difficulty.”
“Look, come on over. Do your thing. Explain it to me.”
“You explain it.”
“Well,” said Maddy, “I can only assume that she climbed into the washing machine while I wasn’t looking, got simultaneously drowned and strangled during the main cycle, then I hauled her out with the sheets without noticing until she fell out of the washing basket onto the patio. How do I know? Jonathan, I mean it.”
“So, you’ve phoned the police, have you?”
“Not yet. I thought of you first.” She gave the phone a hopeful look. “I thought they might arrest me.”
“Well, they definitely will if you don’t report it.”
“I mean, what can you do?”
“Not believe a word of it,” he said, his voice a small, irritated sound on the other end of the line. “You stole the idea off Miss Marple, anyway. What do you really want? Although I know I’m going to regret asking –”
Maddy only grinned. “Oh, all right. You got me. But I thought it’d only take you five seconds to come out with that.”
“Maddy. What do you want?”
She took a bite of her toast, rendering her answer slightly indistinct: “Tumble drier’s broken again.”
“They have people to fix these things. Phone your electrician, or your plumber, or whoever.”
Maddy glared at the receiver. “You know what? It’s the strangest thing. I’m getting a premonition of another murder. I can’t quite see… no, wait. It’s a man… they’ve found him lying dead in a windmill. Blood everywhere. Some lonely middle-aged git of a magician’s assistant. They’re saying it’s an accident, one of his tricks gone hideously wrong, but I don’t know about that. What do you think?”
“… middle-aged?” said Jonathan.
“I’ll buy you a coffee,” Maddy added. “And there’s something else. Look, come on. Don’t tell me you’ve got something better to do.”
“I have, and I’m not –”
Maddy cut him off before he could finish and looked at her watch, calculating that she should have plenty of time to finish her toast, get washed and dressed, and maybe even finish off that article before he got here.
***
8. DW - Brig/Liz – ironing (310 words) From
persiflage_1“If you dare suggest I should iron your shirt, I shall resign!”
The Brigadier paused. “Miss Shaw, I merely asked you if you’d seen an iron anywhere. I wouldn’t dream of wasting your valuable time.”
“And why,” said Liz, beginning to be amused again now, “did you imagine a scientific laboratory would come equipped with an iron?”
The Brigadier merely smiled at her. “I’ve found it’s a good rule to assume the Doctor might have anything in here.”
“An iron? For straightening out awkward wires, or –?”
“Miss Shaw,” he said repressively, but she detected an answering spark of humour in his eyes. “The fellow must iron his shirts sometime.”
Liz smiled. “Well, if he has, I’ve no idea where it is. I’ve never seen one in here – and in any case, you know what he’s like. He’d probably have adapted it for improved efficiency, and you never know what that might do to your best shirt.”
“Good Lord,” said the Brigadier, looking to the ceiling. “Very true. Well, this is awkward. And I have the minister and the General about to turn up any minute. If someone can find me one, I should be able to sort it out before the function this evening, but –”
“Hand it over,” said Liz, holding out her hand. “Oh, don’t worry, I’m still not going to do your ironing, Brigadier – but I’m sure I can find someone who can.”
The Brigadier hesitated.
“You don’t want to be late for tea with the minister,” she reminded him, careful to remain straight-faced.
He passed the hanger and shirt over. “Frankly, Miss Shaw, I’d prefer an alien invasion, but I suppose duty calls –”
“Quite,” said Liz, and watched him go. Then she double-checked everything the Doctor had been working on was shut down and safely switched off – and went in search of Sergeant Benton.
***
9. Allo Allo - Helga Geerhart/Otto Flick: clearing the spiders out of the garage. (246 words) From
brunhilde_1013“But, Herr Flick the intention was not to rid your garage of the spiders. That was an unfortunate side-effect of blowing up the wall and the resulting flood from the burst pipe.”
“A very unfortunate side-effect,” said Herr Flick, tight-lipped. “Someone will regret it.”
“But is it not better this way?”
Herr Flick swung around to face her. “No, it is not! Do you not realise those were specially trained Gestapo spiders? It is not easy to keep my secret headquarters at the correct level of sinister cobwebs. Appearances are important.”
“I confess, Herr Flick, I had never given the matter any serious thought. Once again, your attention to detail gives me a slight thrill.”
“Only a slight thrill? Why is this, Helga?”
“The thrill is somewhat lessened by my intense dislike of spiders.”
“I see. However,” said Herr Flick, “one must also enquire… what was the intention in blowing up the wall of my garage, killing off my trained Gestapo web-spinners, and wrecking yet another staff car?”
“I understand that it was an accident with a Christmas pudding.”
“A Christmas pudding? It is not even December. This seems highly unlikely to me.”
“An exploding Christmas pudding. However, the General believes that he has the culprits locked up at the Chateau.”
“Excellent. Then I will shortly have some instructions for you, Helga. First, however –”
“Yes, Herr Flick?”
“You may kiss me.”
“Thank you, Herr Flick.” Then Helga gave a small, private smile, and obliged.
***
Allo Allo is a terrible thing to write. I forgot I threw these two in. If you do the accents, it looks awful. If you don't, it's just kind of wrong as well.
17. Blake's 7 - Tarrant/Dayna: cleaning the kitchen or galley (89 words) From
vilakinsTarrant paused for a long moment and then wiped gunge off his face, before turning to look at Dayna, who was lying beside him on the floor of the Liberator’s galley. She was equally besplattered, and wrinkling her nose at the smell.
“I think,” said Tarrant, trying not to cough too hard at the billows of strangely coloured smoke “that we now know the best way to clear out the blocked waste disposal unit is not to chuck an explosive down it.”
“Oh, Tarrant. You’re always such a spoilsport.”
***
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 19 Jul 2012 07:44 pm (UTC)And also for Maddy and Jonathan!
no subject
Date: 19 Jul 2012 08:07 pm (UTC)And I said you chose well!
no subject
Date: 20 Jul 2012 06:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 19 Jul 2012 08:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 20 Jul 2012 12:14 pm (UTC)Thanks. Heh. :-)
no subject
Date: 19 Jul 2012 08:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 20 Jul 2012 12:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 19 Jul 2012 08:54 pm (UTC)Great stuff.
no subject
Date: 20 Jul 2012 12:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 19 Jul 2012 09:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 20 Jul 2012 12:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 20 Jul 2012 09:09 pm (UTC)("The old Count liked my thpiderth. He uthed to thay 'good webth today, Igor'.")
no subject
Date: 21 Jul 2012 11:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 19 Jul 2012 10:13 pm (UTC)Of course Dayna would use a bomb.
[Edit] Re exploding puds, I just heard that the Germans were going to smuggle a large block of exploding chocolate into the War Room on the grounds that if Churchill liked cigars and cognac, he'd like chocolate too. Hey, no sillier than the CIA's attempts to send exploding cigars to Castro, but then that would be hard.
no subject
Date: 20 Jul 2012 12:21 pm (UTC)Oh, that's priceless about the chocolate! So Allo Allo was more accurate than I realised? Someone should write General von Klinkerhoffen being entrusted with that mission and all going wrong... :lol:
I don't know. Somehow exploding cigars seem marginally more reasonable than exploding chocolate. Marginally. Dayna, of course, would probably approve of both...
no subject
Date: 19 Jul 2012 10:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 20 Jul 2012 12:22 pm (UTC)Thank you! Yes. Last time I wrote all the accents, but it does look off-putting. And, what's more, they're slightly different for each character (although more for the French than the Germans). So then it takes study of Allo Allo to a degree you just don't want to... (I wrote a proper AA fic once; it scarred me a bit.)
no subject
Date: 21 Jul 2012 11:19 am (UTC)Good point on the slightly different accents - as you say, not really the sort of thing you want to go into trying to depict on the page. But hats off to you to undertaking that sort of deep study of 'Allo 'Allo in the cause of art... ;)
no subject
Date: 20 Jul 2012 04:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 20 Jul 2012 12:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 20 Jul 2012 12:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 20 Jul 2012 12:41 pm (UTC)Thanks!
no subject
Date: 21 Jul 2012 09:28 am (UTC)(Also, I hope I know you well enough to predict there'll be some Spooks and some Press Gang in the prompts I left?)
no subject
Date: 21 Jul 2012 11:50 am (UTC)Thank you! :-) And I think you've just invented a new and even more hilarious adventure there. "Jonathan Creek and the Invasion of the Gestapo Spiders!"
Heh. There is some Spooks and Press Gang hidden in there, yes, indeed, but someone else picked them. You have... er... a rather random assortment. However, the end result will still mean some Spooks & PG snippets! ;-p
no subject
Date: 21 Jul 2012 01:49 pm (UTC)OMG YES PLEASE. And, yay for imminent Spooks & Press Gang characters doing mundane chores! For some reason I thought you'd already written all the other prompts, but if there are 20, that really doesn't add up... I need a new brain.
no subject
Date: 21 Jul 2012 06:42 pm (UTC)