Beyond the Roundels

Finally, Nine & Rose! And I'm sorry, I seem to have been particularly silly with this set. (I blame all the light-headedness). :-)

***

Wild West
The idea to hold up the bank had been great in theory, Doc Smith thought, holed up in the Sheriff’s cell with Rose. How else were they supposed to get the money to ransom Mickey? It just might have gone better if they’d checked whether either of could shoot straight first...

Coffee Shop
“Wasn’t my idea to open up a café,” said the Doctor, sticking his feet up on the desk in the back. “I’m strictly tricky technical repairs and sorting trouble, me. Cleaning out the cappuccino machine – that’s your territory.”

Rose threw the wet cloth at him.

Shapeshifters
“You’re a were-what?” said Rose.

“You heard. Knew you’d laugh.”

“A were-terrier?” said Rose. She was laughing. She hadn’t stopped for a while. “Should I get you a collar and a lead? No, wait – how about a cute little coat?”

Pirates
“But why can’t I have a parrot?” said Rose. “You’ve got an eye patch and a wooden leg, after all. Fair’s fair, and I wouldn’t look half as daft as you do in that get-up.”

. . . In SPACE!!
“You’re never expecting me to go with you in that,” said Rose, as they arrived at Doctor Smith’s battered and outdated ship. “Are you sure you can even get it off the planet?”

“Well,” he said, holding out his hand, “you can stay if you like, but since the whole planet’s likely to blow any minute –”

Born Another Gender
Rob Tyler was fed up enough working in the department store, without the crazy lady turning up brandishing (thankfully plastic) body parts.

Schoolfic
“I don’t see why you can only hang out with me in secret suddenly,” Smith said. “Come on, Rose, this is silly.”

She shook her head, refusing to be moved. She could put up with all sorts of things to keep her best friend, but being labelled Big Ears and Noddy every time they were together was just too much for a ten year old to bear.

Police/Firefighters
“And I think,” said Inspector John Smith, “that this ought to be a lesson to you in why we don’t muck about with handcuffs.”

“Look, Mick– Sergeant Smith said he had the key!” said Det. Constable Tyler. “It was only meant to be a laugh.”

“Very funny, then, I don’t think. How’m I going to look, tagging you along after me everywhere, like this?”

Urban Fantasy
“Look,” said Rose, “you’re supposed to be an expert in weird, right?”

“Something like that,” agreed Dr. Smith. “What seems to be the problem?”

“Where I work – stuff’s been going missing – people, too. And I swear I saw something the other day, down in the basement.”

“Like what?”

“Don’t laugh, okay – a fairy.” Rose paused and then mimed. “With, you know, sparkly wings and everything.” She caught the look on his face. “Is that bad?”

“The worst,” said Smith. “Sparkles are never a good sign. . .”

Regency
“You’re never the new butler,” said Rose. “Besides, that’s no excuse for breaking in!”

John Smith turned. “I am; I’m an excellent butler, who merely happens to be prowling round Lady Constance’s manor in the middle of the night for very good reasons. What’s your excuse?”

“I’m the chambermaid. I work here, unlike some people!”

“Fine, I confess. I’m a Bow Street Runner and your employers – well, let’s just say they don’t always keep to the straight and narrow. Now, how about you help me out with my investigations instead of obstructing them?”

I honestly don't think I can! Do you want to try another?

Some (most rather flippant) Six & Evelyn AUs for you!

***

Wild West
“Really,” said Evelyn, “that is the last time I’m going to break you out of jail because you had to stop and admire your Wanted poster!”

Doc Smith shuffled in some embarrassment, but only said, “Well, even you must admit it was a particularly good likeness.”

Coffee Shop
John Smith looked back at the stream of impatient customers at the counter and began to feel a twinge of alarm. In such dire straits as these, customers could begin to get nasty.

“Evelyn,” he called, “can you hurry up in there? We’ve almost run out of chocolate cake!”

Shapeshifters
“I can’t explain it at all,” said the giant, rainbow-coloured penguin. “Unless I’ve been spending too much time with Frobisher and something’s rubbed off…”

“I wish something would rub off! I need sunglasses. Honestly, Doctor, I can’t possibly take you anywhere looking like that. It’s even worse than usual!”

Pirates
Evelyn could take to some aspects of the life of a pirate, she thought, but she was going to have to renounce her life of crime next time they came ashore. There was only so much a body could take of the captain’s dreadful singing.

. . . In SPACE!!
“I think,” said Dr Smith, surveying the inevitable results, “that’s probably the last time we should experiment with making chocolate cake during an asteroid storm.”

Evelyn reached for a cloth. “Oh, I don’t know. It might have been all right if the things hadn’t wound up playing havoc with the artificial gravity.”

Born Another Gender
Eminent historian Professor Evelyn Smythe listened to the strange woman’s unlikely tale with growing incredulity. “I don’t believe a word of it, young lady!”

Schoolfic
“I don’t know,” said Evelyn, “if you’re just going to sit there sulking every time you don’t come top in something, I’m going to find someone else to play with!”

Police/Firefighters
“Smith,” said Inspector Smythe, eyeing her Sergeant’s outfit with considerable disfavour, “I said we were to go in undercover! I didn’t say you were to wear something visible at a fifty mile radius!”

Det. Sergeant Smith looked down at his yellow trousers and patchwork coat. “Well, you must admit, it definitely isn’t uniform, ma’am – as requested.”

“If you weren’t so good at your job the rest of the time, I’d fire you.”

Urban Fantasy
“So,” said Dr Smythe, “do I have this right? You claim that someone has laid a terrible enchantment on the Tower of London and you need me to sneak you in during the night so that you can reverse the spell?”

“That would be extremely helpful, yes. I promise I’d be considerably grateful. Eternally, even.”

Evelyn sighed. “Dr Smith, I am a respected historian specialising in the Tudor period, not the Queen!”

“Well, all right. Just help me break in, then.”

“You know, you can still be executed for treason…”

Regency
There was one lady who had been attending closely during his lecture (and her being there at was rather unconventional, of course, but Smith wasn’t opposed to female learning, at least not in theory). Now, as it finished, she marched up to him with a decided air about her and said, in a way that suddenly made him tremble in his shoes, “Young man, that was all very interesting, but I have some questions about your conclusions…”

I think I may have to admit defeat on this one. I sat down to do it - I was quite looking forward to it & then my complete inability to humanise Elements took over and my brain went on strike. I plan to do another meme v soon, instead, so I won't offer an alternative this time, but instead have someone else's excellent S&S Coffee Shop AU here.

:-)

I really needed to have been reading some Marsh again to do this justice & get Alleyn's voice quite right (I can do his formal bit, but he has quite a specific line in public schoolboy type slang that I failed at), but nevertheless, here are my best attempt at Alleyn AUs for you! (Minus Police/Firefighters, because the one is not an AU and the other was the one my imagination baulked at! I suppose I can see him being philosophical about rescuing cats from trees or something, but I dunno...)

***

Wild West
Sheriff Alleyn had been asked many a time what someone like him was doing in a place like this (or words to that effect), but he felt it was irrelevant to the fact that he was doing his job. After all, for a small town, it did seem to attract an unaccountable number of improbable crimes and someone had to deal with them…

Coffee Shop
She came in every other Wednesday, mostly to share a coffee with her friend, sometimes to sketch. She was an artist. Sometimes she still had charcoal smudges on her cheek. He had noticed – but how to approach her was the question. It was, he decided, all terribly awkward. One couldn’t – one simply couldn’t – resort to the old cliché of spilling her drink.

The problem was solved in the most unwelcome way possible, however, on the day one of the customers fell to the floor on drinking their coffee – poisoned!

Shapeshifters
“Well,” said Fox, mopping his brow midway through his explanation of how his name was, in fact, literal, “it’s inconvenient at times, but on the other hand it can be invaluable for picking up odd bits of information.” He paused. “I’d have thought you’d have been a bit more surprised, sir.”

Alleyn gave a small smile and raised an eyebrow. “Well, it does explain a great deal. Besides, you’re not the only one. There are more of us about than you might think.”

Pirates
Captain Alleyn of His Majesty’s Navy turned as his First Mate, Fox, came hurrying up to him.

“Pirates,” he said, slightly out of breath, “no doubt about it now, I’m afraid, sir.”

Alleyn nodded. “I see. Then ready the men – they will find they have made a mistake in tangling with us.”

. . . In SPACE!!
Detective Inspector Alleyn of the Intergalactic Police Force entered the cabin of the luxury space liner only to find that the murderer had claimed another victim. And how was the question, when the door had been locked and there was no sign of an obvious murder weapon in the room? And yet people did not stab themselves in the back by means unknown when committing suicide, not even if one switched off the artificial gravity. Alleyn sighed slightly. He had hoped for a quiet cruise this time around, but it was not to be.

Born Another Gender
Rose Alleyn had been expected to finish her debutante season with a suitable marriage if possible, not shock the world by unnecessarily joining the Women’s Police Force. And what for, one wondered: it wasn’t even proper police work…

Schoolfic
“I had you pegged for head boy for sure,” said Fox.

Rory looked at him and grinned, as he shook his head. “No, not me. Never quite the thing, old boy. Staff Prefect is more than enough for me.”

“Preparation for the diplomatic service, maybe?”

“Who knows?”

Urban Fantasy
“Sit down and tell me again,” said Inspector Alleyn. “As the corpse has unfortunately vanished, I trust your artist’s eye for detail will be of use. The victim had been bitten, you say?”

Troy nodded. “Badly. I – I think more like that of a vampire than a wolf or changeling. Neater.” She was shaken. She had heard people talk about these sorts of creatures, of course, but it was another matter to encounter one – and so violently. She hoped this Inspector knew his lore, although she disliked the inevitable end result – hunting down and killing anything so nearly-human, even if it had drained all the blood out of her artist’s model.

Regency
Alleyn had not expected his work for the Foreign Office to lead him into such complications: the network of French spies seemed to come uncomfortably close to the charming Miss Troy…

Hm, I'm not sure I really could do Evvy for this - shall I try someone else? Mary Lou? Nell & Hilda?

Hmm, it has been so long since I have even seen them (which is v sad, actually) let alone written them that I'm not sure I can pull it off - can I do you anyone else?

And here, finally, is the Delglado Master AU meme for you! I confess I skipped "Born Another Gender", because it seemed redundant now. But the other 9 are all present and correct.

***

Wild West
“So,” said Sheriff Smith, “what exactly were you thinking, trying to break into the Mayor’s house? You must have known you’d get spotted, especially with a darn fool plan like that.”

The dastardly outlaw known only as The Master* shrugged. “One does get so bored on occasions.”

“Anyone would think you liked being arrested.”

“Perish the notion, my dear sheriff.”


*When he wasn’t travelling the West incognito as the Mystical Magister, the greatest Mesmerist in the World, that was.

Coffee Shop
“Poisoned?” said the proprietor to the customer returning the fatal latte. “Oh, dear no, not the work of the management, I assure you. We favour the more personal touch.” He waved a hand at the shelf full of oddly lifelike dolls behind him. “It must have been one of the regulars. Not my affair at all, I’m afraid. I suggest you contact the police. Chief Inspector Smith will no doubt be very interested to hear of it.”

Shapeshifters
It was, the Master had discovered, exceedingly useful to able to imitate anyone else’s form he chose. It was merely a minor and temporary set-back that the ability was proving difficult to control as fully he would wish.

Pirates
“Captain Smith,” said the dread pirate known only as The Master, his cutlass at the naval captain’s throat. “You may have thwarted my plans again, but you will not escape me now!”

His great rival backed away. “My dear fellow, if you wouldn’t follow me about the seven seas, I wouldn’t be able to keep on thwarting you, you know. Oh, well done, Joe!” he said to his (oddly girlish) cabin boy as the plucky youngster hit the master over the head with part of a broken plank. “That ought to keep Admiral Lethbridge-Stewart happy.”

. . . In SPACE!!
The shadowy figure eyed Masters with interest. “And what do you want?” he asked, solidifying back into a more wholly human form again.

“That,” said Masters, “is a very good question indeed…”

Schoolfic
“So, Smith, what’s your excuse this time?”

“It wasn’t me, sir!”

“Oh, who was it then?”

Masters, standing to one side of them, looked only more innocent than ever.

Police/Firefighters
There was no better way to run a crime ring, Chief Superintendent Magister felt, than from being positioned right inside the law. Corruption and abuse of power was a wonderful thing – in the right hands, of course.

Urban Fantasy
“So, your unholinesss, how was it that you decided to become a Dark Lord? Was it your ambition from childhood or did it just sort of come over you one day? Apparently, that happens a lot.”

The Dark Lord of the Two Realms raised an eyebrow at his interviewer. “Well, I found it a more amusing occupation than losing at chess. Although lately I begin to feel the challenge has gone out of it. I might need to turn to … other interests.”

“Oh?” said the interviewer, suddenly looking a little less confident.

“Possibly magical experimentation on suitably, ah, willing volunteers. How might you feel about that, Miss Smith?”

Regency
There was, Miss Austen felt, something strange about that new vicar. She would have to write to her friend Miss Oswald about it.